Outside the Wire - This piece is going to be in multiple entries, this is the first.
February 28th, 2008 by 1st Lt Prifogle
I. Rivercity.
Rivercity is when we are cut off. Something has happened (usually unbeknownst to those of us on base) and a Marine, Soldier, Sailor or Airman was killed or had to be medevaced. They implement Rivercity so that we don’t contact our families or fellow service members to spread the news, and then they in turn tell someone else and eventually through the grapevine the family of the service member finds out by rumor before official correspondence.
I believe in omens. Believe that there is a higher power that created everything. This being – this hand – doesn’t control fate, it writes it. It doesn’t make things easy for us to see, but gives us signs to help us find our destiny, our path. It challenges us so that we can find the meaning in the journey. These clues are omens. Not everything I see as an omen is always an omen; and there are probably things I have mistook for an omen that are mere coincidence. I will be the first to admit I have made mistakes in this life – plenty of them. Tonight I try to decipher if life is giving me an omen or coincidence. Tonight is the eve of my first trip outside the wire. Tonight we are in Rivercity. Tonight I pray. I pray to this higher being; not to protect me, not to save me, but to let me see my enemy first, to let me see beauty in the world again after seeing the things I might see. I pray, even though I don’t believe in prayer anymore. I pray that this is not an omen. That Rivercity is just a coincidence.
Adrenaline. Combat vets talk about how adrenaline takes over you body. Tunnel vision. Tunnel hearing. Adrenaline stops pain and Marines who have been shot or hit with shrapnel continue through the battle without noticing their injuries. Adrenaline – nothing more then a chemical released from the brain. Adrenaline will make me insomniac. It feels like the night before I left. I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t not sleep. When you can’t sleep you think. Think of all the things that could happen. Think of all the things you did in your life. Think about all the things you didn’t do. Think like this is the last night of the world.
I make lists. I never manage to keep track of the lists, but the act of making a list commits the list into my memory.
The things I didn’t do:
1. Will – I never finished writing it or had it notarized.
2. I didn’t change the oil in my car.
3. I didn’t end my cell phone contract before I left.
4. I didn’t finish the ‘Last Letters’ to my family – in case something happened.
5. I didn’t leave plans for my funeral. Guinness, lots of Guinness. “Without You” playing. Pictures. Happy. I want everyone to be happy for the time they shared with me, not the time that they lost me.
6. So many goodbyes I didn’t get to say.
7. Run a marathon under 4 hours.
8. Go to Venice.
9. Run an Ironman Triathlon.
10. See the Grand Canyon.
11. Go to Mexico.
12. See the Great Wall.
13. Travel to the pyramids.
14. Publish a book.
15. Climb Mt. Everest.
16. Live in Tokyo.
17.
This list could go on forever. I start a new list. The things I did do:
1. Loved someone.
2. Let someone love me.
3. Hurt someone.
4. Loved someone so much it hurt.
5. Forgave someone who hurt me.
6. Didn’t forgive someone who hurt me.
7. Lived in Scotland
8. Traveled to Ireland
9. Went on a Boundary Waters Trip in Canada.
10. Took an oath to defend the constitution of the United States as a United States Marine.
11. Lived in New York.
12. kept journals for 11 years
13. Ran a marathon
14. Ran another marathon
15. Saw both the Pacific and the Atlantic Ocean
16. Gambled
17. Shot a 240G machine gun
18. Threw a grenade
19. Visited the tomb of the Unknown Soldier at Arlington Cemetery.
20. Held a newborn baby minutes after she was born.
21. Started working on my Masters Degree
22. Served my country in a time of war.
23. Wrote every day.
24.
This list could go on too. I stop for no particular reason. I am sitting at my desk. Watching my Sergeant prepare her gear. She arranges her 9mm magazines on her cartridge belt and fidgets with the holster wrapped around her petite thigh. She tries on her Modular Tactical Vest (MTV); alone it weighs over 10 lbs. Add in the weight of the enhanced sapi plates, ceramic plates that are over an inch thick to protect the vital organs from shrapnel, side sapi plates, ammo and a first aid kit – it’s over 40 lbs added to her 120 lb frame. She also carries 7.5 lbs in her M4 (a more compact and high tech version of an M16) and her pack of snack food and water.
I watch my Sergeant go through her preparations meticulously and curiously. This is her first trip to Iraq. This is her first mission outside the wire. She pulls each piece of gear out and plays with it – figuring out what it does and then deciding whether or not she needs it. In preparing we were offered gear from a grunt, a pilot, and other Marines from our unit.
We are also offered advice, “If the infantry is out there Ma’am, just let them do their job. I’ve had Lance Corporals tell me what to do in combat and I followed because I knew my life was on the line.” “Keep your head down.” “Take lots of pictures.”
Sergeant B finishes sifting through the gear. She wears her combat load as she looks across the room and asks, “Ma’am, do you want to look through this?” She sounds confident and looks ready and I wonder if the same thoughts about Rivercity are going through her head – Is it a sign or coincidence?
Well, your first tip outside the wire to a place of unknown, a place of exploives, snippers and the list goes on. You just never know what might happen when you leave the wire. But, if you worry about, think about all the time or even write lists of thing you did not do, then you are sealing your fate. Or are you, the only advice I can give you is to find the closes SEAL you know and stay close, they will protect you……….Rawah
Lisbeth,
I just finished reading “Rivercity” and I was struck by the similarity of our response to our first trip outside the wire.
I have prayed the same prayer nearly every day that I faced combat, whether here in Iraq, or at home as a police officer. I have never prayed that God keep me alive, or keep me safe. I have always prayed that He help me keep “my head in the game”. I constantly pray for calm in the face of danger, and that I see the enemy before he sees me. I constantly pray that I recognize the threats and respond to them in proper fashion. I have always prayed that God would help keep my troops safe, and, in the event that something should happen to me, help my family understand that this is what I was chosen to do… to be a warrior, and to defend those who cannot or will not defend themselves.
It is an interesting life that you have been chosen for, Lisbeth. I look forward to following your progress. Remember… watch the hands… it is always hands that kill you.
Regards, and say hello to Sgt. B for us lonely guys here in Rawah.
Hello Libby
Thank you for the continued posts. I read them wondering about my own father’s experience in WWII, Korea and Vietnam, that he rarely shared. I appreciate you sharing the day to day monotony and the new things like desert snow.
Hey have you come across camel spiders yet?
Keep writing, running, loving, and flossing!
Best regards,
Phyllis Rawley
AULA - Sages
Hey Lib!
I just wanted to say hello and let you know I think about you everyday! I check your blog everyday-I have taken your advice to try out the Air Force and see if they can help me with my future. Your posts are so “real” I almost feel like I am there with you…keep your head up..and remember what you always told me before I went to OCS- “I you are going through hell, keep on going”! Miss you stay safe, you are always on my mind.
Megs